Best Friends Song, by Stephen Lynch

Slender Man
Slender Man – from HuffPost

The American comedian, musician and actor Stephen Andrew Lynch is known for his songs mocking daily life and popular culture. He released his live album Superhero on January 14, 2003 (in the USA). He wrote all tracks, they are interpreted by himself (guitar, vocals) and Mark Teich (vocals).

The 13th track “Best Friends Song” is a humorous dialogue between Stephen and Mark, they play two best friends who have opposite tastes. Stephen lays bare his sexual fantasies for Mark’s sister, who appears to be a young teenager: he says that he intends to “pick her up at her Junior High School,” and in the second video below Mark says “She’s only fourteen!” Mark pretends to be offended, until he gives a funny twist at the end of the song.

Here is a YouTube video of the song from the album Superhero:

I give also another video, showing the live performance by Stephen Lynch and Mark Teich at the El Rey:

I give below the lyrics from AZLyrics; they can also be found on Genius:

Best Friends Song
words & music by Stephen Lynch

[Stephen:] Mark has been my best friend for many years now, and I wrote a song
[Mark:] About one
[Stephen:] …that’s a lot of months. I wrote a song to celebrate what I think is our greatest asset as friends, and that’s our complete and utter differences. We’re total opposites when it comes to almost everything
[Mark:] Completely
[Stephen:] So I wrote a song, and we’re gonna sing it for you now
[Mark:] Gay. Not gay. Just one thing. It’s this shirt, isn’t it? Alright, I’m the gay one
[Stephen:] Thank you! I didn’t wanna out you in front of everybody

[Mark:] I like my toast buttered
[Stephen:] And I take mine dry
[Mark:] I dig the Beatles
[Stephen:] I’m a ‘Stones kinda guy
[Mark:] I have fine taste
[Stephen:] And I like things cheap
[Mark:] I wanna stay up all night
[Stephen:] I just wanna sleep… with your sister!

[Mark:] I’m sorry, what did you just say?
[Stephen:] What?
[Mark:] No, you just said something about you want to sleep with my

[Mark:] I like the sunshine
[Stephen:] And I wanna nail your sister
[Mark:] See there, you just said it again. I like Julia Roberts movies
[Stephen:] I just wanna fuck the shit out of your sister!
[Stephen:] Well Tyke, you would rule, if you’d say “It’s cool”
[Mark:] What are you talking about? It’s not cool!
[Stephen:] I’d go pick her up at her Junior High School!
[Mark:] Woah! Hey! That Sister? No!
[Stephen:] Yeah! I wanna fuck your sister! I just wanna fuck in her fucking face and cum all over her hair and stick it in her eyeball and…
[Mark:] Hey! No! Oh My God! You can’t skull fuck my sister!

[Mark:] Hey, hey, woah! Wait a minute!
[Stephen:] What?
[Mark:] Woah, goddamit!
[Stephen:] What?
[Mark:] You wanna fuck my sister?
[Stephen:] Yes
[Mark:] You wanna fuck my sister?
[Stephen:] Yes!
[Mark:] $26.50

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